I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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