my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
