I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
