this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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