remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Randomize
