remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
