Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
