Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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