HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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