i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
