i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh god it's open bar.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
