LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
