Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
