I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
