Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
