Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
