well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize