I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Randomize
