Well douche your snatch and let's go!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
