why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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