My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
