Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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