Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
third nipple confirmed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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