i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
