she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
