he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
