I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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