i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
