stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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