If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
