So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
