Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
