i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
