3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
