Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
