I CAN MOONWALK!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
