I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
