I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
