What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
