I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
