haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
