Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
