Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
