I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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