Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
