My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
