i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
