No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
