according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I enjoy the company of your penis
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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