when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
