Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
